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what if every blade of grass was a penis?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
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