Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize