sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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