I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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