you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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