Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
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Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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