Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
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the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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