I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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