Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize