There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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