went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
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Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
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I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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