I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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