I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize