I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
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You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
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Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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