Yo dont text me then not text me
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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