You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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