I didn't shave. On purpose
Can Purell be used as lube?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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