u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
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Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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