wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
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I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
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I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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