I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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