My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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