I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize