Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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