We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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