life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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