woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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