i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
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i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
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I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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