peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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