pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
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Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
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Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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