i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
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He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
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I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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