In the future we'll all be gay
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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