God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize