My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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