Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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