We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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