dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize