We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
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In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
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I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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