she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
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you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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