I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize