Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
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please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
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He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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