Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize