you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize