And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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