I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
this is an emotional support booty call
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize