JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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