Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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