you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize