She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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