wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
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they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
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Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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