i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize